Saturday, 13 July 2013

Big Rambling Rant

Right, so I was on the wrong side of YouTube today. Well, the wrong side is the side I'm always on, so in reality I mean I was on the right side of YouTube but my wrong side is your right side.

Anyway, I got onto the vloggers...ugh.

Video after video of the same template 15-17 year old kids with plates in their ears and excruciatingly hilarious facial piercings. They claimed to be "totally original" and informed the "haters" (I.E. anyone with an IQ upwards of 5) to get lost, 'cause they're just jealous. Yeah kid. I sure am jealous of your ability to pass a small child through your ear lobe. Moving on.

Then we got the compliment fishers. I'm talking about the girls who appear in videos usually named "I'm ugly" or "Why am I so ugly?". They claim to be imperfect and that no one ever tells them they're attractive, so it must be true right? After watching the videos you will realise it is their stale personalities and charismatic similarities to a damp rag that is keeping the fellers away.

You glance over to the comments and you see 2 sorts. Firstly you have the other compliment fishing girls telling them something along the lines of "OMG! You're not ugly you're gorgeous! I'm ugly...:(" only without so much grammar. OP (Original poster) responds with the same comment but backfired towards the commenter. Rinse/Repeat.

The other person you will come across in the comments of such videos are lonely hormonal boys trying to build their E-peen. They tell the girls that they are stunning, and compliment their eyes/lips/tits (depending on loneliness, age and hormone levels of course). OP will shoot back a denial and that she hates her eyes/lips/tits or a cutting remark attacking the commenter's self-esteem and turning the commenter into the OP of another shitty self esteem fishing video.

"Ugly" and "Attractive" don't really have definitions as such. Different people will find different people attractive. It should also be noted "Ugly" is not the direct opposite of attractive, that is you do not have to be one or the other. Just because a person doesn't find blonde hair attractive for example does not mean he will ridicule people with blonde hair for being "ugly". You'll also find that people find people similar to them attractive in a bid to defend their own self esteem. For example...chubby girls (treading on thin ice here...) will berate size "Zero" and claim "real men want curves not skin and bone" (might I add that real men can speak for themselves and aren't all drawn in by the first girl to get her tits out) whereas an anorexic girl may fail to see the problem with being unhealthily skinny. Anyway, moving on.

Last, and definitely least are the ""video" "makers"". And I'm not talking about epic 'tubers like myself. These shitheads churn a song through audacity and double the speed, call that hump of gonorrhoea a remix, record them self dancing like some kind of schizophrenic during an episode while lipping the song. Apply some shitty effects and then we've got a video to ship out to the masses.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls. Today I am revealing the internet's best kept secret.  If you spot a one of these unholy videos that ISN'T edited in WMM, I can guarantee these videos have been edited by a pro. I've been approached many times to edit one of these abominations. When you refuse, the kids start to panic and lay more money on the table. I'e turned down offers of $50 in the past, and I'll tell you why in the next paragraph.

My dear, dear friend TheJuga, may he rest in peace. He took on the offers of one of these kids. After the video was finished and paid for, it was edited further to remove watermarks and any proof Juga had even touched the video. When he tried to claim copyright and post on the videos comments. The OP asked her army of spasticated retards (I'm sorry but I really have no other way to describe them) to thumb down all of his comments and videos and to flag all of his content. After many death threats he left YouTube. Since then, I have resented this breed of tuber.

Well that's all for now. I'm all ranted out.