So at 1AM this morning I couldn't sleep, so I decided to think. Or over-think in my case.
I was thinking about the fragile nature of relationships, and how something that takes years to build up can be destroyed in seconds.
This kind of links into my previous post about my troubles with texting friends, so if you haven't read that yet simply scroll down to see it.
Imagine if your buddy walked up to you and told you that s/he has a dark secret. 3 Years ago they asphyxiated a puppy and enjoyed it. Where do you go from there? Do you never speak to them again? Do you ignore what they just said and continue being friends because you like them? Or do you just become a bit more distant from them?
A lot of the time I think if I say something people will have this internal conflict. And I'm not talking about when I share my puppy hit list with people, I'm talking about things on a much smaller scale. Sometimes when I'm talking to a friend there are silences where I'm trying to think of something I deem appropriate to say. I kind of feel comfortable with the silence for a second until I realise I'm still in a conversation and I start to feel awkward, most likely giving of an awkward vibe and making the other party feel awkward (If you're reading this and you've ever experienced this I'm sorry)
Giving my Phone number, I don't want people to feel like I'm pressuring them into giving me theirs. Sending them PMs, DMs, Texts, whatever. I don't want them to feel like I'm harassing them. Revealing the super secret identity of the girl I 'like', what if the person I tell likes her too?
And what pisses me off the most is that I don't know WHY I think this! These aren't my personal views, I rarely get angry if someone drags me away from what I'm doing, and I wouldn't resent someone if they told me that they found attractive. (Heh, I almost let that one slip! After revising this I've eliminated the name. I'll leave that last sentence there because it makes me laugh a little)
So yeah, thanks to my over-thinking I am a pretty terrible friend. This took forever to write cause I'm trying to do some Geo revision. Last exam Monday, let's make this one count as little as the others!
TL;DR I'm awkward around people I feel comfortable with