Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Dating advice for a 9 year old

Last night I decided to fit a quick game of Saint's Row 3 into my TV viewing schedule.
I got in a multiplayer game with this little texan guy.
"Hey, how old are you, stranger?"
"16, yourself?"
"10 next month."
So for about 10 minutes we just normally play the game, until he asks me:
"Do you know how to get a girlfriend?"
"You can't do that on Saint's Row, you're thinking of GTA."
"No, I mean in real life."
No, just...I'm not going to comment on that. I'll just say that sentence sums me up pretty well. I should get it on a T-shirt or something.
"Well...I suppose so. Do you have a girl problem?"
"There's this realllllly cute girl in my English class but I don't think she likes me."
"Have you tried talking to her?"
"I always get embarrassed..." 
"I understand. It's not easy. You have to become friends with her." 
"Like, make her think that she's safe?" 
"No...well,kind of. I mean you have to become close, that way you can find out what kind of person she is and decide if you want to be in a romantic relationship with her.But you also need to know that being friends is good too." 
Psst...Psst...It's your subconscious here. You're talking to a 9 year old. I just thought I'd better remind you.
"But I want her to be my girlfriend because she's pretty!" 
"Well, think of a car. It's nice if it looks  good on the outside, but the engine and how it performs is the most important." 
"...You mean her heart, like, the engine?" 
"No...Yes...Kind of. Is she a nice to you? Does she ever smile at you?" 
"Once I fell over at recess and she laughed at me and called me a name but she's to cute for me to say anything back." 
"Come on man. You can't let girls walk over you like that. Never take abuse from anyone, no matter how you feel about them." 
"So are you saying I should have hit her?" 
"No, *haha* Of course not. I'm just saying if she's mean, you're too good for her, man."
"I getcha. Just because someone is pretty on the outside, doesn't mean she can't be ugly on the inside."
"Exactly! One day you'll meet a girl who makes you smile when you think about her, and makes you feel warm inside when you talk to her." 
"And I should marry her?" 
"Well...if you both want. But what you should understand that if she makes you happy, friendship is enough." 
"What do you mean?" 
"If a girl makes you happy when you're around her and you ask her out and she doesn't want to, that's OK. You're still friends, that's why you're attracted to her in the first place right? I'm just saying that no isn't the end." 
"OK! Thanks. I have to go now, can I add you?" 
"It's a free country." 
"OK well see ya!" 
I just gave dating advice to a kid. I need a minute.

Well...that didn't go to bad actually. Here, take some endorphins or something.